Nostalgia and reminiscence abounded in my brain this afternoon. I have about a million things on my to do list for this week (including a 12 page paper that I haven't started), and I got distracted. Not that that's anything new.
It began yesterday afternoon. I saw a friend from high school whom I love dearly, and still try to talk to on occasion, but our lives and schedules often get in the way. Then, this afternoon, I found myself scrolling through some of my old pictures on Facebook. I was quickly reminded of why I drop my head in shame whenever I think of fashion choices I made in my high school days (the day I decided to give up on eye shadow altogether was one of great rejoicing), and of how absurdly awkward I am. I was also reminded of how thankful I am to NOT be in High School anymore. Whoever said those were the best four years of your life must have been a very sad individual indeed.
Of course, not all memories are as uncomfortable as those. I found some pictures from a beach trip a group of my friends (including the aforementioned) and I took right after we graduated. There were only a handful of us, and the pictures opened the floodgates of good times. I was saddened, suddenly wishing for those friendships again--none of them are the same now as they were that day. I miss the easy fluidity with which we conversed, talking about nothing and having it mean something. Now, it's all about the simple "how are you"s with no real answer because you just don't know them anymore. You can't delve into what happened last week because the context is all wrong, and there are too many gaping holes in the fabric that once kept you together.
I get sad when I think of these friends that have moved away and moved on, because I so often feel as though I've been left at the starting point, abandoned. I didn't get to move away to experience adventures. Not yet, anyway. I still live with my parents, in the house in the town I grew up in. Nothing has changed.
Except that it has.
Everything is different, even though it looks exactly the same. I wasn't abandoned by these people. I didn't stagnate here in our memories. I too have moved on, albeit differently. My priorities are different. My friends are different. Everything important, really. Time can be cruel, severing those connections you treasure or altering them ever so slightly--so it seems the same, but there is a subtle vibe that pulses it's mantra of different. different. different. But it also brings good change. New faces, new friends.
So yeah. I miss parts of my past, and I don't like that those relationships aren't as easy and familiar as they were. But I love the parts of my present that have appeared.
Psalm 59: 17 NIV
You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Update!!
I just wanted to give you an update, in case you are interested, on the matter discussed in my last post. I ended up with a mere 2 1/4 pages worth of material...It was supposed to be four. I stumbled over my words like a baby deer just learning to walk stumbles over it's legs. (Except it wasn't cute and adorable. It was just awkward and painful). But after hours of sitting in front of a blank screen with a blinking cursor, I decided that was as good as it was going to get for that assignment and I called it a night. With my head hung low, I turned it in the following day and waited for the inevitable F--praying for some sort of Divine intervention in the clarity department, and promising myself I'd do better with the next one.
Fast forward to the next class. My professor handed the essays back and I just sat at my desk for as long as I could without flipping to the back page to see the grade. Why I was so melodramatic about it, I don't know. I already knew it wasn't good, so why prolong the agony? Anyway. I finally mustered up the courage to check. There, staring me in the face, was a capital C, preceded by the words "feel free to revise for a higher grade". I was elated. IT WAS A PASSING GRADE. Then I flipped through and saw that she made all sorts of helpful suggestions throughout the course of the analysis. HUGE BLESSING.
I haven't had an opportunity to revise it yet, but I have a long weekend this weekend, so I should get it resubmitted on Tuesday. I'm pretty jazzed about it, especially since I think I get it now. I have also since written a second one of these, on which I managed 3 full pages in an hour and a half and received a perfectly acceptable grade (B+). With two more of these in tow, I'm feeling confident that I might not be such a horrible linguistics student after all. It still isn't my favorite area of study, but it is fascinating, and I can appreciate it as a field.
Hebrews 4:16 ESV
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Fast forward to the next class. My professor handed the essays back and I just sat at my desk for as long as I could without flipping to the back page to see the grade. Why I was so melodramatic about it, I don't know. I already knew it wasn't good, so why prolong the agony? Anyway. I finally mustered up the courage to check. There, staring me in the face, was a capital C, preceded by the words "feel free to revise for a higher grade". I was elated. IT WAS A PASSING GRADE. Then I flipped through and saw that she made all sorts of helpful suggestions throughout the course of the analysis. HUGE BLESSING.
I haven't had an opportunity to revise it yet, but I have a long weekend this weekend, so I should get it resubmitted on Tuesday. I'm pretty jazzed about it, especially since I think I get it now. I have also since written a second one of these, on which I managed 3 full pages in an hour and a half and received a perfectly acceptable grade (B+). With two more of these in tow, I'm feeling confident that I might not be such a horrible linguistics student after all. It still isn't my favorite area of study, but it is fascinating, and I can appreciate it as a field.
Hebrews 4:16 ESV
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Procrastinating
So, I'm gonna let y'all know that I'm blogging right now because I don't want to write a paper that's due tomorrow. Yes. I'm procrastinating writing one thing by writing another thing...I often do the same with books....what does that say about me? Hm.
Anyway, I'm taking this linguistics class this quarter, and I have never felt more out of place in a class than I do in there--Math classes included; that's saying something. Linguistics is so not my area of expertise. Nearly everyone else in that class is totally comfortable with the subject and even excited about it. And here I sit, completely horrified because I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm supposed to be writing this analysis on...something. I don't even know what I'm looking for, let alone how to articulate it and discuss it's importance. What do I do? Where do I start? Help!!
Wait...I'm having one of those "aha" moments. Maybe this is going to be my lesson for 2014. Last year was all about learning experiences. Is this one going to be about doing things that scare me? Jumping in head first? Yikes. That sounds terrifying. And yet, it's not something I have much experience with. I like my safe little box in which I am comfortable and understand things. I like this little box almost as much as I like lists.
Man. I hate these epiphanies because now I have to respond to it. I can't just sit and pretend that it didn't occur (as much as I might like to). *sigh* Well, alright. Here goes, I guess. Here's to jumping in and finding my way as I go.
2 Corinthians 12:9a ESV
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Anyway, I'm taking this linguistics class this quarter, and I have never felt more out of place in a class than I do in there--Math classes included; that's saying something. Linguistics is so not my area of expertise. Nearly everyone else in that class is totally comfortable with the subject and even excited about it. And here I sit, completely horrified because I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm supposed to be writing this analysis on...something. I don't even know what I'm looking for, let alone how to articulate it and discuss it's importance. What do I do? Where do I start? Help!!
Wait...I'm having one of those "aha" moments. Maybe this is going to be my lesson for 2014. Last year was all about learning experiences. Is this one going to be about doing things that scare me? Jumping in head first? Yikes. That sounds terrifying. And yet, it's not something I have much experience with. I like my safe little box in which I am comfortable and understand things. I like this little box almost as much as I like lists.
Man. I hate these epiphanies because now I have to respond to it. I can't just sit and pretend that it didn't occur (as much as I might like to). *sigh* Well, alright. Here goes, I guess. Here's to jumping in and finding my way as I go.
2 Corinthians 12:9a ESV
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Friday, January 17, 2014
Heralding the New Year
Happy New Year, friends!!!! I know...I'm 17 days late. Sorry.
I've been meaning to come give a little update on life, but I have been having some issues with suffering trauma of the literary nature...I know I mentioned that I might blog about The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, but I just don't think I'll be able to muster up the emotional strength to accomplish it. I very nearly burst into tears just thinking about it. So here's what the main point would be: Just go read it. Plus I've finished both Divergent and Insurgent (I actually finished Insurgent roughly half an hour ago). Let me tell you, my copy of Divergent had 75 pages of bonus material that I mistook for story. I was so mad when I discovered the truth. My parents came home at eleven pm to me laying on my bed shouting, literally, SHOUTING, at a paperback--and then my mother laughed at me! She doesn't understand. *sigh*
Literary trauma aside, 2014 is shaping up to be quite lovely (And let's face it, the literary trauma does bring me joy. Sick and twisted? Maybe. Regrettable? Not even a little bit.)
I've gone back to school and this quarter...doesn't suck. All of my classes, while not ideal, are tolerable, as are my professors. This is a huge blessing after the last few quarters of majorly aggravating circumstances.
In completely unrelated news, I bought a telephone booth.
True story. It's beautiful. It's not in my house yet, because I just finished paying for it today, but it is beautiful. It also contains shelves--so it is functional (re: I was able to justify the purchase). Needless to say, I'm super jazzed about it. It should be delivered on Monday. EEP!!!
All in all, it's looking like a beautiful new year.
Psalm 7:17 ESV
I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.
I've been meaning to come give a little update on life, but I have been having some issues with suffering trauma of the literary nature...I know I mentioned that I might blog about The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, but I just don't think I'll be able to muster up the emotional strength to accomplish it. I very nearly burst into tears just thinking about it. So here's what the main point would be: Just go read it. Plus I've finished both Divergent and Insurgent (I actually finished Insurgent roughly half an hour ago). Let me tell you, my copy of Divergent had 75 pages of bonus material that I mistook for story. I was so mad when I discovered the truth. My parents came home at eleven pm to me laying on my bed shouting, literally, SHOUTING, at a paperback--and then my mother laughed at me! She doesn't understand. *sigh*
Literary trauma aside, 2014 is shaping up to be quite lovely (And let's face it, the literary trauma does bring me joy. Sick and twisted? Maybe. Regrettable? Not even a little bit.)
I've gone back to school and this quarter...doesn't suck. All of my classes, while not ideal, are tolerable, as are my professors. This is a huge blessing after the last few quarters of majorly aggravating circumstances.
In completely unrelated news, I bought a telephone booth.
All in all, it's looking like a beautiful new year.
Psalm 7:17 ESV
I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Beauties Blogging Books: Finis
Happy day after Christmas! I hope you and yours had as much joy celebrating the birth of our Savior as my family and I did, and that it was a holiday stuffed full of good memories.
Since my post last week, I finished The Looking Glass Wars, but not before I took a break on Sunday and read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. (If you haven't read it, you should get on that. Stat. Three reasons why: 1. It's EXCELLENT. 2. It's being made into a movie next year, and I am a firm believer in the book before the movie. 3. It's EXCELLENT!)
Anyway, my journey with Alyss Heart has drawn to a close. I'm saddened, because it was a fun trip. There is something about mystically magical lands that may or may not exists with BA warriors and called off weddings that tickles my fancy. [Disclaimer: I do love weddings and would be mortified if I attended one that got interrupted, but in fictional circumstances, they're great.]
There were two particular scenes in this last portion of the book that I absolutely loved. The first comes when Alyss' tutor is trying to convince her that she IS capable of ruling Wonderland. He says, "Your imagination has not gone, Alyss, because there is nowhere it can go to. It is within you whether you like it or not." This was awesome. And really rather encouraging. Sometimes, during my pathetic attempts at writing my own stories, I feel as though my imagination abandons me. But it doesn't. It's always there. I just have to dig around and find it. My imagination will never go anywhere. It may get buried by the realities of life, but it's still there and I can call it forth at will. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. (If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a huge believer in an active imagination. I don't care how old you are. If you don't imagine things, I can't trust you.)
The second scene is when the Blue Caterpillar is having a chat with Alyss about the fact that she fled Wonderland at the beginning of the story. It is sometimes braver to run. "By running, you live to face further uncertainty and trouble...She who runs from her enemies until she has the strength to do otherwise is both brave and wise." Alyss didn't roll over and give up. She booked it out of there, not knowing what she was escaping too, only believing that it had to better than what she left. And it's true. When you escape from something, there is no way of being certain what you are going to. It is diving head first into the unknown, clinging to a shred of hope. If that's not courage, I don't know what is. Of course, there's the whole responsibility thing, and fleeing from that, but that's a whole different story. Alyss came back when needed and was willing to step up to the plate.
In conclusion, I rather enjoyed The Looking Glass Wars.
I'm not certain how far Clarissa is in her month with Emma, but if she still has a ways to go, I may consider blogging The Fault in Our Stars. Or I might just do that anyway, because it was so dang good.
Thanks for hanging out with me through this!
Since my post last week, I finished The Looking Glass Wars, but not before I took a break on Sunday and read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. (If you haven't read it, you should get on that. Stat. Three reasons why: 1. It's EXCELLENT. 2. It's being made into a movie next year, and I am a firm believer in the book before the movie. 3. It's EXCELLENT!)
Anyway, my journey with Alyss Heart has drawn to a close. I'm saddened, because it was a fun trip. There is something about mystically magical lands that may or may not exists with BA warriors and called off weddings that tickles my fancy. [Disclaimer: I do love weddings and would be mortified if I attended one that got interrupted, but in fictional circumstances, they're great.]
There were two particular scenes in this last portion of the book that I absolutely loved. The first comes when Alyss' tutor is trying to convince her that she IS capable of ruling Wonderland. He says, "Your imagination has not gone, Alyss, because there is nowhere it can go to. It is within you whether you like it or not." This was awesome. And really rather encouraging. Sometimes, during my pathetic attempts at writing my own stories, I feel as though my imagination abandons me. But it doesn't. It's always there. I just have to dig around and find it. My imagination will never go anywhere. It may get buried by the realities of life, but it's still there and I can call it forth at will. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. (If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a huge believer in an active imagination. I don't care how old you are. If you don't imagine things, I can't trust you.)
The second scene is when the Blue Caterpillar is having a chat with Alyss about the fact that she fled Wonderland at the beginning of the story. It is sometimes braver to run. "By running, you live to face further uncertainty and trouble...She who runs from her enemies until she has the strength to do otherwise is both brave and wise." Alyss didn't roll over and give up. She booked it out of there, not knowing what she was escaping too, only believing that it had to better than what she left. And it's true. When you escape from something, there is no way of being certain what you are going to. It is diving head first into the unknown, clinging to a shred of hope. If that's not courage, I don't know what is. Of course, there's the whole responsibility thing, and fleeing from that, but that's a whole different story. Alyss came back when needed and was willing to step up to the plate.
In conclusion, I rather enjoyed The Looking Glass Wars.
I'm not certain how far Clarissa is in her month with Emma, but if she still has a ways to go, I may consider blogging The Fault in Our Stars. Or I might just do that anyway, because it was so dang good.
Thanks for hanging out with me through this!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Beauties Blogging Books: Wishing for Wonderland
Today I am continuing in my adventure with Clarissa of B+B. In this here second post of our book blogging adventure, I am pleased to inform you that I have more than twenty pages read for this chunk. Huzzah! Overall, I'm still loving the story, however there are some aspects that I think feel rushed and could have been fleshed out a little more. So that's a bit of a bummer.
Basically, what has happened thus far is that war has broken out in Wonderland and Alyss has leapt through a portal and landed in London (it's all very Disney's Enchanted if you ask me). It isn't long before she realizes that our home here on Earth actually kind of sucks. Nobody believes her tales about Wonderland, she isn't treated like a princess, and her powers of imaginations go AWOL. Suffice it to say Alyss is NOT a happy camper.
And who can blame her? If I were to go about telling tales of a fantastical land that can't possibly exist, everyone would think I'm crazy. (They also don't react well to my declarations of pretending to be a dragon when it's cold enough to see my breath, but I digress.) Nobody treats ME like a princess. My powers of imagination only exist on paper...and even then it's sporadic. Psh. I'm starting to wish I could pop through puddles into a magical land but, like Alyss, I'm stuck here and have to make the most of my situation.
More to the specifics of things I enjoyed while reading this week. An English prince falls in love with Alyss, which is bound to happen in these circumstances, and describes her as "a delectable puzzle of a creature". While I'm not certain how I feel about the whole "delectable" business, I found it a sentiment that accurately described the craziness that is most women, but still remained entirely tactful. Where are the non-fiction men like that? Do they even exist? He also describes her as an "uncommon commoner". Even after adjusting to the social customs and norms of England in the late 1800's, Alyss still stands out. She still longs for something more.
Like Alyss, I often find myself wishing for my own Wonderland.
That's about all I have for you this week, without going all English major on you and ranting about themes and development and symbolism. Don't forget to check out Clarissa's post this week!
Basically, what has happened thus far is that war has broken out in Wonderland and Alyss has leapt through a portal and landed in London (it's all very Disney's Enchanted if you ask me). It isn't long before she realizes that our home here on Earth actually kind of sucks. Nobody believes her tales about Wonderland, she isn't treated like a princess, and her powers of imaginations go AWOL. Suffice it to say Alyss is NOT a happy camper.
And who can blame her? If I were to go about telling tales of a fantastical land that can't possibly exist, everyone would think I'm crazy. (They also don't react well to my declarations of pretending to be a dragon when it's cold enough to see my breath, but I digress.) Nobody treats ME like a princess. My powers of imagination only exist on paper...and even then it's sporadic. Psh. I'm starting to wish I could pop through puddles into a magical land but, like Alyss, I'm stuck here and have to make the most of my situation.
More to the specifics of things I enjoyed while reading this week. An English prince falls in love with Alyss, which is bound to happen in these circumstances, and describes her as "a delectable puzzle of a creature". While I'm not certain how I feel about the whole "delectable" business, I found it a sentiment that accurately described the craziness that is most women, but still remained entirely tactful. Where are the non-fiction men like that? Do they even exist? He also describes her as an "uncommon commoner". Even after adjusting to the social customs and norms of England in the late 1800's, Alyss still stands out. She still longs for something more.
Like Alyss, I often find myself wishing for my own Wonderland.
That's about all I have for you this week, without going all English major on you and ranting about themes and development and symbolism. Don't forget to check out Clarissa's post this week!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Beauties Blogging Books: Queendoms and Imagination
My friend Clarissa over at Blunders and Blessings approached me a few weeks ago with a proposition to blog through a book with her during winter break. I agreed. She introduces us Beauties Blogging Books over on the B+B. If you don't feel like reading that whole post, I'll give you the Sparknotes version: We borrowed books from each other and are going to blog about them once a week through the month of December. The book I selected is The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. She's been talking it up to me for quite some time now, and I decided it was a good choice for this endeavor.
First, I'd like to start with a little disclaimer. I am all for strong, independent womanhood, and my opinions may possibly be taken as being of the feminist persuasion. They aren't. I just really appreciate a lot of what feminism stands for. However, I am more than anxious for the day when God brings the man into my life that I am going to marry, and will assume the role of a submissive wife with joy. Not a feminist. Just....independent...That may or may not come up during the course of this.
Second, I absolutely adore adaptations of literature. And I'm not talking adaptations of the fan fiction sort. I'm talking let's-take-this-story-from-a-different-perspective sort. For example, Sleeping Ugly by Jane Yolen, The True Story of the Three Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka, and Roald Dahl's versions of Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs. So The Looking Glass Wars is right up my alley, as it is an adaption of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.
Third. My initial thoughts are that I like it. The first sentence opens the book with a flashback to a time when "bloodshed spattered the doorstep of every Wonderlander". Yes. My exceptionally morbid mind loved it. Also, Wonderland is a Queendom, not a Kingdom. The queen holds the power. I was a fan. (This is where my first point comes in...not feminist.) I'm also a huge fan of the importance of the imagination as an asset in the novel. The power of the imagination doesn't diminish with age--it is honed. The power of imagination seems to be the Queen's greatest asset in ruling her people. I'm loving it, because though I am 21, I haven't quite gotten over the power and magic that exists in a healthy imagination.
I really haven't gotten much farther than that, but hopefully I'll be a lot farther along the next time I write. I'll also be linking to B+B so you can enjoy Clarissa's take on Jane Austen's Emma. Go check out her first post here!
First, I'd like to start with a little disclaimer. I am all for strong, independent womanhood, and my opinions may possibly be taken as being of the feminist persuasion. They aren't. I just really appreciate a lot of what feminism stands for. However, I am more than anxious for the day when God brings the man into my life that I am going to marry, and will assume the role of a submissive wife with joy. Not a feminist. Just....independent...That may or may not come up during the course of this.
Second, I absolutely adore adaptations of literature. And I'm not talking adaptations of the fan fiction sort. I'm talking let's-take-this-story-from-a-different-perspective sort. For example, Sleeping Ugly by Jane Yolen, The True Story of the Three Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka, and Roald Dahl's versions of Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs. So The Looking Glass Wars is right up my alley, as it is an adaption of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.
Third. My initial thoughts are that I like it. The first sentence opens the book with a flashback to a time when "bloodshed spattered the doorstep of every Wonderlander". Yes. My exceptionally morbid mind loved it. Also, Wonderland is a Queendom, not a Kingdom. The queen holds the power. I was a fan. (This is where my first point comes in...not feminist.) I'm also a huge fan of the importance of the imagination as an asset in the novel. The power of the imagination doesn't diminish with age--it is honed. The power of imagination seems to be the Queen's greatest asset in ruling her people. I'm loving it, because though I am 21, I haven't quite gotten over the power and magic that exists in a healthy imagination.
I really haven't gotten much farther than that, but hopefully I'll be a lot farther along the next time I write. I'll also be linking to B+B so you can enjoy Clarissa's take on Jane Austen's Emma. Go check out her first post here!
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