Saturday, July 18, 2015

Real Life

Guys. I graduated from college. And now I'm a "real adult".

I don't feel like a real adult, or like I've joined "real life". What does that feel like? What does that even mean? I always assumed I would feel like an adult when I got to college, because in my perfect Mind Palace, I moved out when I went to school. But we all know that didn't happen, so I did some shifting and decided I would feel like an adult when I started a "real job". Then I spent last summer working in a grocery store. It could be considered a real job, but again, what does that even mean? And I still didn't feel any different. So I figured that it would all start to make sense when I graduated. Surely that would make me a "real adult" in "real life", especially if I got a "real job". Well, here I am. Graduated, working for Parks and Rec, with a teaching position to commence in August, and a coaching position to commence on Monday. Yet even here, at this point in my life, I don't feel like a real adult. It would be so easy for me to say, "oh, when I move out. THEN I'll be a real adult. 100%" But somehow, I think it won't feel like it will be then, either. So here's the conclusion I've come to: There's no determining factor that makes you an official grown up, and real life has been happening all along. Adult things happen, like getting a job, graduating college, paying your own bills, getting married, etc., but there is no exact formula. It just kind of...happens. And maybe it hasn't happened to me. Maybe it never will. Maybe I'll never wake up and realize that adulthood has finally begun. Maybe I'll spend the rest of my life just floundering, pretending like I know what I'm doing. And maybe that's okay, because life is about learning. But that also doesn't mean that the life I've lived up to now has been invalid.

When I sat down to write this post, I had a very different direction in mind. I was going to gush about my recent accomplishment, the amazing way in which God has lined everything up for me, and how excited I am to start this new phase of my life. Because it all happened, and it's all true. God has blessed me in incredible ways these past few months, and I am so excited for the road ahead. But the fears and concerns are very real too, and as much as I try to keep it hidden, they're always just under the surface waiting to bubble over. I'm scared because I'm a part of this "real world", and I feel so out of place. In a recent conversation* with a very dear friend, it was brought up that "people are so focused on the illusion of 'settled' that they forget to let the newcomers in on the secret that nobody actually knows what's going on".

So this is me, explicitly stating that I have no idea what I'm doing with my future, and that is okay, because I'm going to figure it out. I'm continuing in real life, armed with the all-knowing God of the Universe, the wisdom of my elders, and How to Adult YouTube videos.

*and by recent I mean it happened while I was writing this blog post...

Matthew 6:34 ESV "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

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