I'm a Mess

Pull up a chair. Grab a cup of your favorite holiday beverage. Get comfy. Because we're going to get real today. It's going to be messy, but it needs to happen.

When I changed the name of my blog to Daisies and Daydreams, I wrote about why I chose that and what it symbolized. You can read that post here. I mentioned how I thought daisies are a picture of how a young woman ought to be. Y'all, I was not that young woman this quarter. Far from it.

As you've probably gathered if you been here before, I don't handle disappointment and opposition well. I like things to fit neatly in a box with no muss, no fuss. I like knowing what to expect and being able to depend on things. In those instances, I can be daisy-like.

Of course, that's not what God had in store for me this quarter. This quarter was the antithesis of my ideal situation. I took a class that tried my patience every single day. No coherent lectures? Check. Insulting us as students? Check. Crossword puzzle midterm? Check. Group project? Check. One thing after another tried my type A personality, and I didn't like it.So I did what I usually do when I'm upset: I got grumpy and cynical.

I spent most of the class in a very angry mood, and I didn't care if he or anyone else knew it. No. I wanted him to know it. I rolled my eyes at every mention of the bell curve. I cringed at bar codes. I was neither forgiving nor understanding of the fact that he ran his class differently than I think it should have been. So I stewed in anger and bitterness for the past 10 weeks. I was not sweet. I was not optimistic. And I definitely wasn't overflowing with joy.

And I am ashamed.

This class was (you guessed it) another learning experience. Not of the academic sort, but of the life-lesson sort. I learned how NOT to handle something.  I didn't take it to the Lord in prayer. I didn't seek Him for peace, grace, guidance, or patience. I asked Him why. I prayed for a change in my professor when I should have asked for a change in myself.  I'm still a mess in need of her God, and His unending love and patience for me is overwhelming. That is cause for rejoicing and thankfulness. Each and every day.

Matthew 5:3-10 NIV
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are  the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.